Cheating - Interesting Survey!

Infidelity is more common today then ever before.  It seems as though finding a loyal partner is as rare as it is valuable, so I decided to take a better look at this deception and I found lots of great info that I cant wait to share.

Firstly, I must give some credit to a loyal friend and reader who has given me so much support and encouragement to write this blog.  My friend Quashja has backed me every step of the way and I really appreciate all her help and advice! Now that I have thanked her for being totally awesome, I mush thank her again for suggesting that I cover Cheating.  I can tell from now that this will not be my only post on this topic because there is just so much to cover, but this is just the first of many. 

I didn't know where to begin this post with, so I decided to start with the basics, the statistics.  Like I said before, cheating is becoming more and more common and I believe this is associated with the rise of "Casual sex". As sex becomes more "casual", it loses its value, purity, and importance in a relationship.  This takes me back to watching Pretty Woman, when Julia Roberts plays a hooker who's one rule was no kissing on the mouth.  As a prostitute that engaged in sex with many men, sex lost its value, allure, and overall romantic association, so she preserved kissing, and associated that with emotion.  This is sort of how I think cheating has risen in popularity.  Sex has lost its romantic association with so many people, they look at it more as a pleasurable activity and less like love making.

On my quest to learn more about cheating I found this very interesting site.  Here is a Survey for cheating spouses, basically, if you have ever cheated, you can go there and take the survey. If you have never cheated, you can skip it and view the results to learn more about cheating and to have a look at the very interesting statistics.

I would love to hear every ones thoughts on this site, and like always I love feedback.  Also, if there is anything specific that you would like me to discuss, feel free to post it, or send me an email.

How important is sex in selecting a long term partner?

Today's post is all about the role sex plays in selecting a partner.  More and more i notice that young people consider sex more important that a lot of other things in relationships.  Gone are the days of dating with the intention of marriage, today people date with the intention of getting their partner into BED.  I wont pretend to be a saint and say that this is wrong or anything like that because like most of my peers I've been there, but I do want to hear every one's opinion on this matter. 

If someone was to ask me to rate in order of importance the things that i look for in a partner this would be it :

1. 
   
   Kindness - this is so important in a lover, life partner, and a parent to my future children, When I think about the kind of man I want to spend my very valuable forever with, a kind man is the first think that comes to mind.
2. 
   
   Someone Funny - I love to laugh, and at the end of the day, whether things are good or bad, i want to be in the arms of someone who can make me smile when the whole world is making me frown.
3. 
   
   Confident - I have seen this make or break relationships a million times.  If you are confident then there jealousy will be minimal, not to mention, confident men are GREAT in bed (so I've heard).
4. 
   
   Ambition - I love a man with drive and ambition.  Nothing is a bigger turn on than a go getter.
5. 
   
   Good Credit and Money Management Skills - I work hard for my money and so should my man, I don't expect him to be rich (I'm no gold digger) but I want someone who is money smart and knows how to spend wisely and can balance his checkbook, is that so much to ask for?
6. 
   
   Good intellectual conversation - I have dated enough men from the gutter to know that I need a man who can stimulate me with his conversation, he should be smart, and clever and keep me on my toes. When I am 80 years old sitting on my front porch with my husband and I can barely move, all we are going to have left to please eachother with is great convo!
7. 
   
   Someone attractive - different things attract me to a man, I really have no type, I just like what I like, if that makes sense but Attraction comes seventh on my list because I think all of the above are far more important than good looks.
8. 
   
   Someone good in bed - this is 8th on my list and its because sex is different to every person, and if someone can stimulate me mentally in all the ways i listed above, i think by the time we make it to bed, there will be fireworks, and if there aren't, we would be able to make magic together, and work on it, practice makes perfect after all :-)

What are your thoughts?

10 Interesting Sex Facts



1. Do you think of sex several times in a day! Don't worry you are not the only one. 54% of men and 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day. The typical person spends about 600 hours having sex between the ages of 20 and 70.

2.  If your girlfriend or wife is complaining about a headache, then you can be her hero and cure her with sex! Research indicates that powerful endorphins or pain killers are released by females during orgasm.

Is kissing good for your health? Apparently kissing is also good for your health, the extra saliva that is exchanged may reduce tooth decay. 

3. Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent tooth decay.  It also contains a lot of protein what has been proven to tighten the skin.  The protein that is left behind when sperm dries on the skin can significantly reduce wrinkles.  Recent research also suggests that women who swallow sperm after giving fellatio face less risk of getting breast cancer.

4.The average size of an erect penis is 5 inches, and the average flaccid (limp) penis measures about 3 inches.  That's pretty sad if you ask me.

No wonder women are preoccupied with size!

5. If you are worried about your weight, or are a fitness fanatic, then you will be glad to know that you can burn up to 200 calories by having 30 minutes of active sex.  You can burn 26 calories a minute, thats with tongue :-)

6. In Hong Kong women get an interesting right to punish their husbands. cheating husbands are faced with a lot more than steep child support and alimony payments like those here in America.  A betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her husband if he cheats on her – but she may only do so with her bare hands.

7.According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. Vibrator induced orgasms helped doctors alleviate hysteria and anxiety related symptoms.

8.  The term "Blow Job" comes from Victorian Times.  Back then the term for a prostitute was “blowsy” and the term for ejaculation was “blow”. Needless to say the act of fellatio eventually developed the name "Blow Job".  In Greece the common slang for a blow job was “playing the flute”. Studies show that women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

9. Did you know that humans are not the only animals that have sex for pleasure?  Dolphins, Chimps and some Gorillas do too! Some have been observed engaging in face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, and oral sex.

10. Studies have shown that men who look at male porn produce more sperm. Men who watch two men and one woman produced more sperm than those who looked at just women. Scientists speculate that seeing competition makes men step up their baby-making capacities.

What do men find sexy? This might surprise you..

Over the years I have read countless articles everywhere from Cosmo to the Internet all about what men find sexy.. They all usually bare a common trend, they are polls done, large scale over a huge test group of men, that were asked by perfect strangers about what they find sexy. So I decided to do my own research.

Before I begin, here is my disclaimer,

The following information was not done by a professional, it was not done under any specific testing conditions, and the large test group was really a random group of men that I happen to know very well.

The plus side to this is,

I am not a stranger to these men, they know me very well and they were
all very honest and eager to voice their opinions. The men I spoke to were
all between the ages of 18 and 35 years old.

So here goes... I asked REAL men this question:

"What unusual things do you find sexy about a woman?"

Here are some of the responses:

•Feet - So many of the men I spoke to said they are very turned on by a woman with nice feet. They like them to be small, pretty, with painted toenails. They judge a woman by the way her feet are maintained and use this as a guideline for the way she maintains the rest of her body, if you know what I mean, lol. Many of them said they like to lick and suck toes, therefore nice feet are a MUST.

•Ears - A few men mentioned that they find a woman's ears to be sexy, all of the Ear men admitted to be avid ear nibblers.

•Perfect Teeth/Smile - Majority of the men I spoke to said they like a woman with nice teeth and a pretty smile, this one was a no brainer, so I got a little personal and asked them to elaborate.. this part was interesting because most of them said that a pretty smile consists of very white and perfectly straight teeth, one said "I like a perfect set of white teeth, it makes me jealous, its hot", and one said "I love a straight perfect smile like yours". The interesting part about this is that when I asked them to describe perfect, many said my smile, but my teeth aren't the whitest, and my front teeth are significantly crooked, so that does say a lot about their observation skills.

•Imperfect Teeth/Smile - A surprising amount of guys told me that they like flawed smiles. Some liked when a girl had a gap, some liked crooked teeth (like mine), and some liked braces, one said "I like when a girl has something special about her teeth, they aren't perfect but they are very her, like a little gap, its sexy"

•Camel toe - Every woman's enemy, lol. Most women walk around dreading camel toe, but word on the street is that some men actually like it, when I asked WHY???? They all said, "Its self explanatory".

•Smooth Skin - Smooth skin looks healthy, it glows and it beckons to be touched, so its obvious that men would find this appealing, but one of the explanations I got was interesting.."Women with smooth skin and nice shoulders are really sexy to me, the creamier looking the better".

•A nice Back - I was told "I like a woman with a nice Arch in her back, it highlights her assets from the back", also "I like the way a woman's back looks right between the shoulders, that's really a turn on".

•Big Nipples - This was a shocker for me, but a HUGE amount of the men I spoke to said they liked large breasted women, especially those with large nipples. One even said that he was attracted to women with "puffy areolas, the puffier the better".

•Full Lips - The majority of the guys I spoke to said that they love to see a woman with nice full lips, and that they don't like lipstick, but several said they like clear very glossy lip gloss.

•Eyes- The boys are all suckers for pretty, flirty eyes. Some said they liked makeup and others said they just like long eyelashes and nice arched eyebrows.

•Not so flat stomachs - I always thought that men all wanted girls with killer abs, but most of the guys either didn't even mention stomachs or said that they liked women with a slender waist, and a smooth stomach, or with a little rounded pudge around the navel, mostly flat but curvy and womanly.

Now here comes the fashion preferences:

•Women in formal wear or business attire seemed to be a crowd favorite, maybe its a play on their naughty teacher, sexy secretary fantasy, but they all seemed to like this.

•BOYSHORTS!! Gone are the days of the thong, while I don't think there is a man out there that would turn down a attractive woman in a thong, most guys seem to be into the boyshorts these days.

•Women in sweat pants came in second, and I am thinking that this one was for all the ass men out there that just like the way the fabric hugs a woman, or because a woman in her "down time" is sexy.

•Messy hair was mentioned a lot. Maybe its that, "just had sex" look..

•Skirts, a lot of guys said they love women in skirts. Could it be view of the legs, or just the idea of "easy access", we may never know..

One thing that some of the guys mentioned was that they like a smart, independent woman, who is confident and very aware of her self worth, they are drawn to women who are funny and enjoy laughing. I think this probably universal, a happy confident person makes a happy confident partner.

I am DYING to hear every ones feedback on these topics...

Let's get dirty..

There's a famous quote/joke:

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks
dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute" -Unknown

I always found this funny because its so true. Most men love the dirty talk, it goes along with the stereotype than men like their sex to be dirty, wild, and out of the norm, but who exactly dictates that norm? Another stereotype that can be derived from this quote is that women DO NOT like dirty talk, and that if a man talks dirty to her, its sexual harassment, meaning she is being violated and disrespected.

Well ladies and gentlemen, this quote is true in the sense that men love dirty talk and would pay almost $4 a minute for it (if not more), but wrong in the assumption that women don't like it themselves.

On the contrary, I happen to think that dirty talk can be amazing and if done well, simply ORGASMIC. About a year ago, I read a post in MarieClarie.com written by a man, basically wondering, "do you like dirty talk?" and I wanted to scream at my computers screen, "YES, if done right!!!". In this article, the writer tells a story about dirty talk gone wrong, and how turned off the woman was, and then he goes through scenarios of dirty talk, and the negative responses that could possible occur, like "oh you bad girl" meaning that he would sound like a pedophile.

So girls and boys, here are my Dirty talk tips:

• Keep it simple stupid! - Don't get too creative, don't try to throw in any over the top dirty euphemisms. Good: I cant wait to get you out of that dress/pants/shirt.. Bad: I am gonna tear that dress/pants/shirt like a tiger. This leaves your partner thinking, "like a tiger? really buddy?" Its totally fine to start off simple like the example, and use a statement like that to test the waters.
• Two can play that game - Dirty talk often fails because only one participant is participating. Sometimes all it takes is a little "audience participation" to turn a one man show into a party for two. Ask some open ended questions! Good: Do you like when I _____ your _____? Its simple, straight to the point, and it gives your partner the opportunity to join in on the fun, whether that means nodding, saying yes, or even getting braver and giving a longer reply.
• Be gradual - When dirty talk is accompanied by physical interaction, be gradual. Start off slow, and let your words be an accompaniment, don't let it steal the show. Think of it like a hot dog, your words are the condiments, you want to use them to enhance the flavor, not steal the show. The worst thing you can do is reach your verbal climax during your physical foreplay.
• Use it as a long distance link- This isn't really a tip, but more of a suggestion. For those of you in long distance relationships, or business trips etc. use a little dirty talk (or phone sex) to keep the sparks flying while you are apart. Web cams, and sexting are taking over the scene, but there's nothing sexier than something erotic coming from your partners mouth.

Hopefully this was helpful, and can open some eyes and convert a few prudes.. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, and hopefully we can get some sex talk tips/anecdotes from the readers... :-)

To clip or not to clip?

So, I got into an interesting convo today and I decided to blog about it...

What's better, a circumcised penis or an uncircumcised penis? I would like the opinion of both males and females on this one.

On the right, there's a poll, please cast your vote, and feel free to leave comments on this matter, I would love to hear every ones opinion on this.

Personally, I have no preference regarding this, but I happen to know lots of women who are very picky regarding this issue. I cant tell you how many women I know have mentioned that they would not "bed" a guy who hasn't been clipped. Although I personally don't feel that way, it sort of makes me want to circumcise my children when they are born. I know that its cleaner and its becoming more and more the norm, but I think my opinion is more influenced by the chance that my sons foreskin might negatively effect his sex life...

What are your thoughts?

Do we expect our partners to be mind readers?

First of all let me begin this post by saying, Communication is the key to any relationship...

A Greek Philosopher once said, "We have two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak", and I think he was really onto something...

In any relationship, between family, friends, or lovers, Communication is the most powerful tool you have. This is the way you relate to each other, share your concerns, and provide your support, among other things. The funny thing about communication is how misunderstood it is...

Communication is a 3 part process:

1. Listening: You would be amazed at what a bad listener most of us are.. Time and time again i find myself in a situation where someone mentioned something to me that i could swear I never heard. Its insane that we go through our lives talking and hearing but not really listening at all. Often times i notice that people spend their valuable opportunities to listen, planning their rebuttal instead.
2. Speak: Share your thoughts, questions, concerns, support, and every one's favorite part, your side of the story! This is your chance to get things off your chest, so use it wisely, think through your words and let them be your tool.
3. Understand: This is the most important part of communication, taking time to understand. Understanding is a two part process as well, you need to understand what your heard and understand the result of the things you said, and how they effected the person they were said to.

More often than not, people fail to communicate with each other and the sad part is we do this with the most important people of all, the people who we are the closest to, and those that we love the most... These victims are the people who we ASSUME to know us the most and we EXPECT them to read our minds. Now I don't know about you, but I am no mind reader. Unless a person tells me straight forward what is on their mind, there's no way I can use my psychic abilities to derive that information, and frankly its selfish to expect that from anyone.

The moral of the story is this, no matter who or what, don't leave anything left unsaid, seize the moment and the opportunity to speak your mind and share your thoughts!

Money can't buy love

Here's a great question that was proposed by a friend:

"Would you rather be with someone who is wealthy and who treats you alright, or be with someone who makes okay money but treats you like a QUEEN" (or KING for that matter)

When my friend brought this question to me, my answer was simple, I would rather be with someone who makes "okay" money and treats me like a queen than be with someone who is wealthy but deep down, I know can treat me better.

My reasoning is simple, money can be gone in a second. I wouldn't want someone to be with me based on my financial situation and I couldn't base my desire to be with someone based on their finances either. I am hard working and I have great money management skills and those are the "financial qualities" that i look for in a partner. I want someone who will work with me side by side to build something together, not someone who will take care of me, or expect me to take care of them.

Those are my thoughts on income. Now CREDIT and MONEY MANAGEMENT SKILLS are an entirely different story. These two go hand in hand and are equally important. A man/woman with good money management skills and great credit will always be well budgeted and capable of making the most of their money. This is important in selecting a mate because down the line it will pay off when they are making the most of your money as well. Who wants to be with someone who is good looking, educated, great in bed, but is a frivolous spender with poor credit? Not me..

Here's the fun part, who are you, are you the person with the poor credit and bad money management skills or the other person?

If you think you might be the person with the poor money management skills, here are some tips help you get it together:

• Open a bank account - chances are, if you don't have a bank account, then you are paying a check cashing store to cash your paycheck. These fees can add up quickly. On the low average a check cashing store might charge around 5% to cash a payroll check, a single person earning 25k a year would end up spending $1250.00 a year in check cashing fees. Having your payroll directly deposited will not only save you these fees but will also save you a trip to the check cashing store.
• Use credit wisely - Credit cards can be a great tool. I have several and I use them all the time, usually I pay off the balances every month, and at my age, my credit is excellent. Credit cards can help you make large purchases and if you have a low enough interest rate, it can give you the option to pay off your purchase in small payments. Using a credit Card wisely will show that you are responsible and capable of paying your bills on time, therefore allowing other lenders to want to loan you money at lower interest rates.
• Trick yourself into Saving - I cannot stress this enough! Saving is important. Life will always come at you with unexpected obstacles and your savings should be there to help cushion your fall. Most employers will give you the option to SPLIT your payroll into two accounts. Using this service to redirect a small amount of money (as little as $10 a pay check) will trick you into building a savings account before you know it.

Hopefully you find some of this helpful, but the moral of the story is this, at the end of the day, you should be with someone who can make you happy, without their looks, their money or their material possessions, because after all nothing lasts forever...

Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option

I cant lie, I have a serious love/hate relationship with this image and this quote... I love that they fit each other so well, but I hate how true it is, and how almost everyone has allowed themselves to fall into this "trap" at one point or another.

Making someone your priority, when all you are to them is an option is one of the most painful situations that BOTH men and women allow themselves to end up in. I say this mainly because no one can "do this to you", this is something that we do to ourselves. In relationships we often become so absorbed in trying to please our partners, that we neglect to reap in return the fruits of this labor. Being in a mutually loving relationship can be a beautiful thing but often times its not as mutual as we think and when we realize this its often too late to do something about it.

Now here comes the tricky part, how do you know if you are just an option?
There really is no sure fire way to tell, because all relationships are different, but here are some examples:

• You often feel disappointed by your partner (your partner does not live up to your expectations)
• You find yourself weighing the contributions that each of you make to the relationship ("I always do or give more than you/I love you more/you don't love me enough")
• You feel under appreciated
• You find yourself feeling "territorial"
• Your partner does not offer you exclusivity
• Your partner does not attempt to create a sense of security

I know you may be thinking that these are just textbook signs of insecurity or trust issues, however, often times such issues are key symptoms of such a relationship.

Now, how can you tell if you are making your partner too much of a priority?

In any mutually loving relationship, your partner becomes a priority, but if the relationship is not balanced, here are some key signs that you are putting too much into a relationship:

• You find yourself neglecting your responsibilities (work, school, etc)
• You put the happiness of your partner before your own happiness (If he/she is happy, then I am happy)
• You neglect your family and friends and end up feeling isolated
• You feel that your relationship is a financial strain (you should never feel that your relationship is costing you too much, any money spent in an mutually loving relationship would never be thought of as a waste or a mistake)

Most importantly, this applies to both men and women, in any relationship, You should always feel loved, valued, and most importantly RESPECTED..

What are your thoughts?

about me

Hello Everyone and Welcome to lovebites!

My name is Nisha and I created lovebites because, it does... over the years family and friends have always come to me seeking advice or just a shoulder to lean on and from these experiences I have learned and thing or two about the ways of the heart, and lovebites is a way to share those lessons with you!

You might be wondering what makes me qualified to talk about love and relationships, but thats the best part, nothing... I am just about as qualified as your friend, neighbor or co-worker.. because I am someones friend, neighbor, or co-worker, and I intend on giving you the same awful advice I would give them!

Please feel free to comment on any of the posts, and send feedback, questions, and most importantly TOPIC suggestions!

Happy Reading!