Mental Cheating

Hello Everyone!! In today's post I want to talk about what I like to call "Mental Cheating".  Since I began writing "Love Bites", more and more people have come to me with their problems, suggestions and questions about their relationships.  One particular suggestion I got from a friend and reader was to write about "Long Distance Cheating".  This concept grabbed my attention right away because, what exactly makes long distance cheating different than regular cheating?  After further discussion and some research I realize that he meant cheating with someone who you NEVER meet. Let me elaborate... Cheating in my book mean being in a committed relationship with a person and doing something with the opposite with another "partner" that your partner would not allow.  This obviously means sex, touching, kissing and things of the physical nature, but I think it also covers heavy flirting, intimate phone calls, intimate meetings, "Sexting", and much more. Just because you don't actually have intercourse, its still sort of cheating.

Now here's what I like to call "Mental Cheating".  Mental cheating is having an intimate relationship with someone that you never meet in person.  This differs from long distance cheating because the distance doesn't matter, the parties involved will most likely never meet and probably have very little desire to do so.  The person who asked me about this is a handsome man (lets call him John), he is in a committed relationship with a beautiful woman who he is very in love with, and they have started a family together.  He explained to me that over the past year he has begin speaking to other females on the Internet, and more recently over the phone and he feels like hes sort of cheating on his spouse.  I began to ask him why and his reasons we very interesting and eye opening.  John told me that over the years his girlfriend has begun to show him less and less passion and enthusiasm about the relationship. He met a woman online who seemed very interested in him physically and they began chatting.  This woman made John laugh and was interesting, and most importantly found John interesting.  She and John would text and call each other, they would send each other funny emails, and talk about their families, they even Sexted!  John thought she was beautiful inside and out, from what he could gather, and he felt very sexy and wanted when speaking to her.  She lived in another town and they never met.  In my book, that's cheating.  Particularly the Sexting.  I am pretty sure that if his significant other knew about this she would feel violated and unhappy with the situation, so why did he do this? 

He told me that he did this to feel special, and to have a woman feel passionately about him and be interested in everything he did. Over the years his girlfriend had begun to show less and less enthusiasm about him and he sought this from this other woman.  He said that part of him did want to someday meet her, but a part of him didn't. He felt like the relationship was perfect just the way it was.  He had his girlfriend who he loved, he had his family, and he had her, when he needed to talk, or wanted to feel manly, sexy, wanted, and reassured in a way that his wife no longer made him feel. 

What are your thoughts on this?  Do you think "Mental Cheating" is as bad as the real thing? Do you think its more common than we know?

Bite It!

Today's long overdue post is all about biting.  The vampire phenomenon is on the rise and everyone has what I like to call "Twilight Fever", so biting has become very sexy.  Sensual Biting, as I like to call it, unleashes a raw and animalistic side to every person and creates a sense of pure passion and is a great technique to master. Basically, if you want to see a woman squirm with pleasure, use your teeth during foreplay.

Here are some tips:

• Bite her erogenous zones: Start at the nape of her neck, inner thighs and work your way to "Sweeter" areas, these areas feel amazing to be kissed and even better to be bite,.
• Make it quick: The key to keeping Sensual biting from hurting is to keep it quick. Take small nibbles that last only a few seconds, this will ensure that there is just enough pain to feel good without making your partner feel like are in bed with Dracula.
• Create a Climax: Start of slowly, licking and nibbling gently and slowly add pressure and increase as the passion builds, the additional pressure will keep it exciting and makes the ever so slight pain stand out from all the other sensations being felt at the moment.

• Marks: Be careful with marks.. unlike necking in high school , most adults today are very turned off by marks and hickeys, but some can be very sexy. I hate the idea of walking around with a purple bruise on my neck, but a similar mark on my inner thigh, or even my abdomen can be sexy to have lingering for a few days, reminding me of a passionate moment.

Basically, whether you are in bed, on a date or just "having a bite", biting can be a very sexy and unique way of expressing the way you feel.  So next time you are kissing someone goodbye and you don't want to let go..... grab a little bite...

Sensual Massage - For Dummies

Massage is such a beautiful thing, its a great way to connect with other people and the power of touch is amazing. Everyone wants to be touched, when we are hurt, or when we try to console one another our natural instinct is to touch, rub or pat each other.  Most importantly, when we want to connect emotionally, massage can play a very important role. For many years massage has been used as a natural form of medicine and can improve circulation, relax muscles, and promote healing. Not many people know this but I am a licensed massage therapist but I do not currently practice.  In this post, I really hope to provide good tips on how we can all use massage in our relationships, to set the mood and enhance intimacy and most of all, how to do it correctly.  Here are some of the Basics.

Things you need:

Lush Strawberry Fields Massage Bar

- Oil, the main component that can make or break any massage is the type of lube you use. I like oil, you can use any type you like but I like using sunflower or almond oil, but baby oil works great too. I prefer to use warm oil (you can warm it by placing the bottle into a bowl of hot water for a few minutes). This will not only feel great but leave your skin feeling silky and soft.  There are also many great products on the market designed for "Sensual Massage" (not to be confused with actual therapeutic massage).  Some of these products are: Lush Massage Bars, these look a lot like a bar of soap but with slowly melt with your body heat and create a great moisturizing massage oil. My personal fav is the Fever Bar or the Strawberry Fields Forever, which is on the right. 





Tasty Temptations Massage Candle



Another type of sensual massage product is the "self heating" and "edible" kind, that is warm, feels great, smells good, and tastes amazing.  Some of these are the Kama Sutra Warming Oil, and the Tasty Temptation Massage Candle (on left).  The Kama Sutra Oil tastes great and becomes warm when you breathe on it, and the Massage Candle melts into a massage oil that is edible.  Using these specialized products are a great way to get close, get in the mood, and start licking *wink wink*.



Kama Sutra Massage Oil

Here's a word of caution, be careful with edible products, some products taste awful, I would not recommend anything cherry or grape flavored as they tend to taste similar to children's cough syrup and there's nothing less sexy than thinking about children's cough medicine.





- Candles - Candles or dim lighting is a MUST! You want to feel romantic and relaxed and fluorescent lights are not gonna cut it. If you have dimmers, you them. Otherwise, grab some candles, or throw a red scarf over a table lamp for a romantic glow to the room.  You want to create a romantic atmosphere where nothing matters but the two of you.

- Music - Romantic Music is a great way to set the mood. You can use whatever you like, a favorite artist, some old school slow jams, or even some ambiance noises (water, nature, birds chirping). My person favorite is Keith Sweat...

- Create a Massage Area - Here's where you can really get creative, you can do this in bed, on the floor, outside, where ever you want.  I think the floor works best. Its firm and you can lay out lots of soft blankets and pillows to make it comfy, yet still firm enough to provide good pressure and of course leverage. 

Now here's the important part, tips on the actual act of massage:

-Get into a good position - For sensual massage, I think the best position is to straddle your partner, you are close, touching and still in a position to get good leverage.

- Be fluid - Keep your movements continuous and fluid, no stopping, nothing feels worse then someone rubbing their hands back and forth in the same spot in a disconnected fashion, just keep your hands moving the whole time, up the back, across the shoulders, down the arms, and back, it feels great, fluid, and most important complete.

- Enjoy it - Don't think of massaging your partner as "work", this is time for you both to enjoy each other and its a labor of love, if you are tired or bored, switch places, just make sure to be yourself, be playful and sexy and remember, whatever you are feeling, your partner will be able to sense it, so bend over, get messy and have fun!

The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex - a good read

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to share a book with you... "The Good Girls Gide to Bad Girl Sex" is one of the best books I have ever bought, I probably spent about $20 on the book but when I tell you I read this thing cover to cover, I am not lying... I have never really considered myself a "good girl" but I bought this book to see what is considered a "bad girl".  The author is a former Sexual Surrogate and is a Sex therapist, which means she would teach couples how to please each other (at times by demonstration lol) and later became a therapist herself. 

Although at first glance it just looks like a book about sex and positions, she really talks about a lot more.  While reading it I realized that being a "bad girl" is more about how you perceive yourself and less about your actions, its about embracing your inner sex kitten, and being okay with that..

With chapters titled like "Bad girls feel good about being bad", "Bad girls dress the part", and "A Bad girl knows her body" (and many more) she basically encourages and inspires every woman to release her inner bad girl.  Don't get me wrong, she does get into detail about actual sexual acts, and is very descriptive, which is great, but she does it in a way that says "this is normal and you are totally sexy no matter how this ends up" if that makes sense...

I recommend that every woman go out and grab this book, and even men, if you spot this in Barnes and Noble, I would flip through the pages, you never know what you might learn ;-)

I will try to post some little excerpts and some of my fav parts soon in another post...

Have any of you read a book like this? How do you feel about reading such a book?

Eat Out.. the basics

There is very little mystery about a penis, its self explanatory and any woman with common sense and a little spit can figure out how to give head... or so I've been told.. but a woman's body is a little more complex and its not quite as easy for men to provide GOOD HEAD..

Oral sex performed on a female is known as cunnilingus and has been around for many years.  It was once thought of as a taboo act but has now become more popular and mainstream.

First let me begin by explaining that there are two types of women. There's the type that love getting head, and they type that never got good head.  The reason i say this is because if done correctly, whats not to love? 

In order to provide good head, you need to know the ins and outs of female anatomy.  Because men are very visual thinkers, I have a diagram. Basically you need to find the clitoris.  If you cant find her clit, please stop reading.. there's no help for you.

First, here are my warnings... I am not a man, this is written from the prospective of a woman.  I am speaking from personal experience, and a collaboration or first hand testimonies and actual research. This is in no way directed toward anyone or intended to offend anyone.

Here are my tips and suggestions:

1. Did you know that 80% of women cannot achieve an orgasm during sex unless they are on top? Those numbers don't surprise me at all because for most women, its all about the CLIT, so my first piece of advice is to pay most of your attention to that area. 
2. Start of slowly, the clitoris is a very sensitive area with a lot of nerve endings, so don't go burying your face in it like its a peach, start with your hands, survey the area and then begin licking gently. After a few minutes, she will be warmed up enough for you to dig in.
3. Leave your tongue and jaw soft and relaxed to avoid cramping, the last thing you need is to tire yourself out before she has even realized whats happening.
4. Don't neglect the rest of her body. Just because you are focusing on one area, it doesn't mean you should neglect the rest of her.  Lick all the surrounding areas and keep this in mind, Jane Austen once said "A good lovers hands never stop moving", foreplay plays a huge part in this and its important to remember that you are pleasing her whole body. Her thighs, breasts, stomach, every part of her body is waiting to be touched.
5. Its okay to enter the vagina with your tongue, its a sensitive area and it feels good on some women, but don't try to initiate tongue intercourse, the chances of providing her any kind of mind blowing pleasure out of that are slim to none. Its a great way to mix it up and add a little diversity but please don't over do it.  There's nothing worse than laying there while someone tried to literally have sex with their tongue... seriously... its awful...

6. Don't use the ABC technique.. its a popular misconception and i have heard men swear by it, but I just think its too much of a distraction.. there shouldn't be a rigid method, you should be enjoying this and so should your partner. 
7.  Don't let it get boring, use licking, sucking, and even soft nibbling through your lips to keep it exciting and add variety. Enjoy it and have fun with it and make sure she knows that your enjoying it every step of the way, be vocal, tell her she tastes great. 
8. Feel free to use your hands. Using your hands is not a bad idea, just don't be to rough, or try to penetrate her until she is well lubricated.  Remember this is not all about penetration, keep it minimal and see if she is enjoying it, its different for all women.
9. Keep a steady pace, women like rhythmical stimulation. It doesn't have to be really fast, just constant.  Follow her body and you will pick up on the subtle movement of her body. 
10. My last main tip is to play around with positions. The basic missionary style position works great but feel free to play around, everyone knows about the good ole 69, but maybe have her on all fours like you would doggie style, or lay back and have her sit over you, find what works good for you and experiment to find what you both enjoy and are comfortable with.

Now on this topic, I have tons more to say but as always, I don't want to end up writing a novel here... so what are your thoughts?