Cheating - Interesting Survey!

Infidelity is more common today then ever before.  It seems as though finding a loyal partner is as rare as it is valuable, so I decided to take a better look at this deception and I found lots of great info that I cant wait to share.

Firstly, I must give some credit to a loyal friend and reader who has given me so much support and encouragement to write this blog.  My friend Quashja has backed me every step of the way and I really appreciate all her help and advice! Now that I have thanked her for being totally awesome, I mush thank her again for suggesting that I cover Cheating.  I can tell from now that this will not be my only post on this topic because there is just so much to cover, but this is just the first of many. 

I didn't know where to begin this post with, so I decided to start with the basics, the statistics.  Like I said before, cheating is becoming more and more common and I believe this is associated with the rise of "Casual sex". As sex becomes more "casual", it loses its value, purity, and importance in a relationship.  This takes me back to watching Pretty Woman, when Julia Roberts plays a hooker who's one rule was no kissing on the mouth.  As a prostitute that engaged in sex with many men, sex lost its value, allure, and overall romantic association, so she preserved kissing, and associated that with emotion.  This is sort of how I think cheating has risen in popularity.  Sex has lost its romantic association with so many people, they look at it more as a pleasurable activity and less like love making.

On my quest to learn more about cheating I found this very interesting site.  Here is a Survey for cheating spouses, basically, if you have ever cheated, you can go there and take the survey. If you have never cheated, you can skip it and view the results to learn more about cheating and to have a look at the very interesting statistics.

I would love to hear every ones thoughts on this site, and like always I love feedback.  Also, if there is anything specific that you would like me to discuss, feel free to post it, or send me an email.

How important is sex in selecting a long term partner?

Today's post is all about the role sex plays in selecting a partner.  More and more i notice that young people consider sex more important that a lot of other things in relationships.  Gone are the days of dating with the intention of marriage, today people date with the intention of getting their partner into BED.  I wont pretend to be a saint and say that this is wrong or anything like that because like most of my peers I've been there, but I do want to hear every one's opinion on this matter. 

If someone was to ask me to rate in order of importance the things that i look for in a partner this would be it :

1. 
   
   Kindness - this is so important in a lover, life partner, and a parent to my future children, When I think about the kind of man I want to spend my very valuable forever with, a kind man is the first think that comes to mind.
2. 
   
   Someone Funny - I love to laugh, and at the end of the day, whether things are good or bad, i want to be in the arms of someone who can make me smile when the whole world is making me frown.
3. 
   
   Confident - I have seen this make or break relationships a million times.  If you are confident then there jealousy will be minimal, not to mention, confident men are GREAT in bed (so I've heard).
4. 
   
   Ambition - I love a man with drive and ambition.  Nothing is a bigger turn on than a go getter.
5. 
   
   Good Credit and Money Management Skills - I work hard for my money and so should my man, I don't expect him to be rich (I'm no gold digger) but I want someone who is money smart and knows how to spend wisely and can balance his checkbook, is that so much to ask for?
6. 
   
   Good intellectual conversation - I have dated enough men from the gutter to know that I need a man who can stimulate me with his conversation, he should be smart, and clever and keep me on my toes. When I am 80 years old sitting on my front porch with my husband and I can barely move, all we are going to have left to please eachother with is great convo!
7. 
   
   Someone attractive - different things attract me to a man, I really have no type, I just like what I like, if that makes sense but Attraction comes seventh on my list because I think all of the above are far more important than good looks.
8. 
   
   Someone good in bed - this is 8th on my list and its because sex is different to every person, and if someone can stimulate me mentally in all the ways i listed above, i think by the time we make it to bed, there will be fireworks, and if there aren't, we would be able to make magic together, and work on it, practice makes perfect after all :-)

What are your thoughts?

10 Interesting Sex Facts



1. Do you think of sex several times in a day! Don't worry you are not the only one. 54% of men and 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day. The typical person spends about 600 hours having sex between the ages of 20 and 70.

2.  If your girlfriend or wife is complaining about a headache, then you can be her hero and cure her with sex! Research indicates that powerful endorphins or pain killers are released by females during orgasm.

Is kissing good for your health? Apparently kissing is also good for your health, the extra saliva that is exchanged may reduce tooth decay. 

3. Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent tooth decay.  It also contains a lot of protein what has been proven to tighten the skin.  The protein that is left behind when sperm dries on the skin can significantly reduce wrinkles.  Recent research also suggests that women who swallow sperm after giving fellatio face less risk of getting breast cancer.

4.The average size of an erect penis is 5 inches, and the average flaccid (limp) penis measures about 3 inches.  That's pretty sad if you ask me.

No wonder women are preoccupied with size!

5. If you are worried about your weight, or are a fitness fanatic, then you will be glad to know that you can burn up to 200 calories by having 30 minutes of active sex.  You can burn 26 calories a minute, thats with tongue :-)

6. In Hong Kong women get an interesting right to punish their husbands. cheating husbands are faced with a lot more than steep child support and alimony payments like those here in America.  A betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her husband if he cheats on her – but she may only do so with her bare hands.

7.According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. Vibrator induced orgasms helped doctors alleviate hysteria and anxiety related symptoms.

8.  The term "Blow Job" comes from Victorian Times.  Back then the term for a prostitute was “blowsy” and the term for ejaculation was “blow”. Needless to say the act of fellatio eventually developed the name "Blow Job".  In Greece the common slang for a blow job was “playing the flute”. Studies show that women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.

9. Did you know that humans are not the only animals that have sex for pleasure?  Dolphins, Chimps and some Gorillas do too! Some have been observed engaging in face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, and oral sex.

10. Studies have shown that men who look at male porn produce more sperm. Men who watch two men and one woman produced more sperm than those who looked at just women. Scientists speculate that seeing competition makes men step up their baby-making capacities.

What do men find sexy? This might surprise you..

Over the years I have read countless articles everywhere from Cosmo to the Internet all about what men find sexy.. They all usually bare a common trend, they are polls done, large scale over a huge test group of men, that were asked by perfect strangers about what they find sexy. So I decided to do my own research.

Before I begin, here is my disclaimer,

The following information was not done by a professional, it was not done under any specific testing conditions, and the large test group was really a random group of men that I happen to know very well.

The plus side to this is,

I am not a stranger to these men, they know me very well and they were
all very honest and eager to voice their opinions. The men I spoke to were
all between the ages of 18 and 35 years old.

So here goes... I asked REAL men this question:

"What unusual things do you find sexy about a woman?"

Here are some of the responses:

•Feet - So many of the men I spoke to said they are very turned on by a woman with nice feet. They like them to be small, pretty, with painted toenails. They judge a woman by the way her feet are maintained and use this as a guideline for the way she maintains the rest of her body, if you know what I mean, lol. Many of them said they like to lick and suck toes, therefore nice feet are a MUST.

•Ears - A few men mentioned that they find a woman's ears to be sexy, all of the Ear men admitted to be avid ear nibblers.

•Perfect Teeth/Smile - Majority of the men I spoke to said they like a woman with nice teeth and a pretty smile, this one was a no brainer, so I got a little personal and asked them to elaborate.. this part was interesting because most of them said that a pretty smile consists of very white and perfectly straight teeth, one said "I like a perfect set of white teeth, it makes me jealous, its hot", and one said "I love a straight perfect smile like yours". The interesting part about this is that when I asked them to describe perfect, many said my smile, but my teeth aren't the whitest, and my front teeth are significantly crooked, so that does say a lot about their observation skills.

•Imperfect Teeth/Smile - A surprising amount of guys told me that they like flawed smiles. Some liked when a girl had a gap, some liked crooked teeth (like mine), and some liked braces, one said "I like when a girl has something special about her teeth, they aren't perfect but they are very her, like a little gap, its sexy"

•Camel toe - Every woman's enemy, lol. Most women walk around dreading camel toe, but word on the street is that some men actually like it, when I asked WHY???? They all said, "Its self explanatory".

•Smooth Skin - Smooth skin looks healthy, it glows and it beckons to be touched, so its obvious that men would find this appealing, but one of the explanations I got was interesting.."Women with smooth skin and nice shoulders are really sexy to me, the creamier looking the better".

•A nice Back - I was told "I like a woman with a nice Arch in her back, it highlights her assets from the back", also "I like the way a woman's back looks right between the shoulders, that's really a turn on".

•Big Nipples - This was a shocker for me, but a HUGE amount of the men I spoke to said they liked large breasted women, especially those with large nipples. One even said that he was attracted to women with "puffy areolas, the puffier the better".

•Full Lips - The majority of the guys I spoke to said that they love to see a woman with nice full lips, and that they don't like lipstick, but several said they like clear very glossy lip gloss.

•Eyes- The boys are all suckers for pretty, flirty eyes. Some said they liked makeup and others said they just like long eyelashes and nice arched eyebrows.

•Not so flat stomachs - I always thought that men all wanted girls with killer abs, but most of the guys either didn't even mention stomachs or said that they liked women with a slender waist, and a smooth stomach, or with a little rounded pudge around the navel, mostly flat but curvy and womanly.

Now here comes the fashion preferences:

•Women in formal wear or business attire seemed to be a crowd favorite, maybe its a play on their naughty teacher, sexy secretary fantasy, but they all seemed to like this.

•BOYSHORTS!! Gone are the days of the thong, while I don't think there is a man out there that would turn down a attractive woman in a thong, most guys seem to be into the boyshorts these days.

•Women in sweat pants came in second, and I am thinking that this one was for all the ass men out there that just like the way the fabric hugs a woman, or because a woman in her "down time" is sexy.

•Messy hair was mentioned a lot. Maybe its that, "just had sex" look..

•Skirts, a lot of guys said they love women in skirts. Could it be view of the legs, or just the idea of "easy access", we may never know..

One thing that some of the guys mentioned was that they like a smart, independent woman, who is confident and very aware of her self worth, they are drawn to women who are funny and enjoy laughing. I think this probably universal, a happy confident person makes a happy confident partner.

I am DYING to hear every ones feedback on these topics...

Let's get dirty..

There's a famous quote/joke:

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks
dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute" -Unknown

I always found this funny because its so true. Most men love the dirty talk, it goes along with the stereotype than men like their sex to be dirty, wild, and out of the norm, but who exactly dictates that norm? Another stereotype that can be derived from this quote is that women DO NOT like dirty talk, and that if a man talks dirty to her, its sexual harassment, meaning she is being violated and disrespected.

Well ladies and gentlemen, this quote is true in the sense that men love dirty talk and would pay almost $4 a minute for it (if not more), but wrong in the assumption that women don't like it themselves.

On the contrary, I happen to think that dirty talk can be amazing and if done well, simply ORGASMIC. About a year ago, I read a post in MarieClarie.com written by a man, basically wondering, "do you like dirty talk?" and I wanted to scream at my computers screen, "YES, if done right!!!". In this article, the writer tells a story about dirty talk gone wrong, and how turned off the woman was, and then he goes through scenarios of dirty talk, and the negative responses that could possible occur, like "oh you bad girl" meaning that he would sound like a pedophile.

So girls and boys, here are my Dirty talk tips:

• Keep it simple stupid! - Don't get too creative, don't try to throw in any over the top dirty euphemisms. Good: I cant wait to get you out of that dress/pants/shirt.. Bad: I am gonna tear that dress/pants/shirt like a tiger. This leaves your partner thinking, "like a tiger? really buddy?" Its totally fine to start off simple like the example, and use a statement like that to test the waters.
• Two can play that game - Dirty talk often fails because only one participant is participating. Sometimes all it takes is a little "audience participation" to turn a one man show into a party for two. Ask some open ended questions! Good: Do you like when I _____ your _____? Its simple, straight to the point, and it gives your partner the opportunity to join in on the fun, whether that means nodding, saying yes, or even getting braver and giving a longer reply.
• Be gradual - When dirty talk is accompanied by physical interaction, be gradual. Start off slow, and let your words be an accompaniment, don't let it steal the show. Think of it like a hot dog, your words are the condiments, you want to use them to enhance the flavor, not steal the show. The worst thing you can do is reach your verbal climax during your physical foreplay.
• Use it as a long distance link- This isn't really a tip, but more of a suggestion. For those of you in long distance relationships, or business trips etc. use a little dirty talk (or phone sex) to keep the sparks flying while you are apart. Web cams, and sexting are taking over the scene, but there's nothing sexier than something erotic coming from your partners mouth.

Hopefully this was helpful, and can open some eyes and convert a few prudes.. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, and hopefully we can get some sex talk tips/anecdotes from the readers... :-)