To Gift or Not to Gift? - That is the Question!

With the Holiday season only days away everyone is in a shopping and gift giving frenzy and I had a friend/reader ask me an interesting question that I would like to share with everyone...

Should I buy a Christmas Gift for my "Friend with Benefits"?

Now my answer for this is simple, "If you want", but let me elaborate.  I personally am a Giver. I enjoy giving gifts and I understand that the concept of a gift is to give someone something that you would like them to have.  Its a simple and easy concept to understand.  There might be an occasion or event that creates the gift giving opportunity but the bottom line is still the same, you give a gift because you want someone to have a certain item, NOT because you expect something in return.

Now if understand that the was to give a gift is with an open heart and without expecting anything in return, then you are ready to select a gift.

A friend with benefits is not just a friend, but a friend that you have a sexual relationship with, so selecting a gift might be easy.  If you have been friends for a long time or if you know of something that this person wants, then your job is simple but if you have no idea what to get, or if you aren't very close friends, then here are my tips...

• Buy something naughty - Theres nothing wrong with buying a "FWB" some lingerie or boxers, its cute, inexpensive and its a great way to remind that friend of how much you appreciate the special benefits that you have arranged.
• Buy something that you can "Share" - If you feel uneasy about buying a gift for this person, but you really want to, a sharable gift is a great compromise.  Think a massage for two, a sexy novelty game, a gift basket of yummy bedroom friendly snacks, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate truffles, something that is a gift for you both to enjoy while you are together.
• Buy a gift for his/her home or office - this is a great neutral gift.  This gift says "I noticed you like movies/books/candles/lamps/throw pillows/pens/figurines of some sort/paperweights etc, so I thought you might like this.  This shows that you pay attention and you just thought the recipient would have interest in the particular gift.
• Steer clear of "relationship" gifts, like keepsakes, couples items (jewelry, ornaments, picture frames)
• Don't spend a lot of money.  A gift for a friend is coming from the heart, not your wallet, therefore shop from the heart as well...

Those are my suggestions, however, when buying any gift, take the recipient and his/her taste, likes, and or dislikes into consideration. 

Happy Holidays!!

Do we expect our partners to be mind readers?

First of all let me begin this post by saying, Communication is the key to any relationship...

A Greek Philosopher once said, "We have two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak", and I think he was really onto something...

In any relationship, between family, friends, or lovers, Communication is the most powerful tool you have. This is the way you relate to each other, share your concerns, and provide your support, among other things. The funny thing about communication is how misunderstood it is...

Communication is a 3 part process:

1. Listening: You would be amazed at what a bad listener most of us are.. Time and time again i find myself in a situation where someone mentioned something to me that i could swear I never heard. Its insane that we go through our lives talking and hearing but not really listening at all. Often times i notice that people spend their valuable opportunities to listen, planning their rebuttal instead.
2. Speak: Share your thoughts, questions, concerns, support, and every one's favorite part, your side of the story! This is your chance to get things off your chest, so use it wisely, think through your words and let them be your tool.
3. Understand: This is the most important part of communication, taking time to understand. Understanding is a two part process as well, you need to understand what your heard and understand the result of the things you said, and how they effected the person they were said to.

More often than not, people fail to communicate with each other and the sad part is we do this with the most important people of all, the people who we are the closest to, and those that we love the most... These victims are the people who we ASSUME to know us the most and we EXPECT them to read our minds. Now I don't know about you, but I am no mind reader. Unless a person tells me straight forward what is on their mind, there's no way I can use my psychic abilities to derive that information, and frankly its selfish to expect that from anyone.

The moral of the story is this, no matter who or what, don't leave anything left unsaid, seize the moment and the opportunity to speak your mind and share your thoughts!