To Gift or Not to Gift? - That is the Question!

With the Holiday season only days away everyone is in a shopping and gift giving frenzy and I had a friend/reader ask me an interesting question that I would like to share with everyone...

Should I buy a Christmas Gift for my "Friend with Benefits"?

Now my answer for this is simple, "If you want", but let me elaborate.  I personally am a Giver. I enjoy giving gifts and I understand that the concept of a gift is to give someone something that you would like them to have.  Its a simple and easy concept to understand.  There might be an occasion or event that creates the gift giving opportunity but the bottom line is still the same, you give a gift because you want someone to have a certain item, NOT because you expect something in return.

Now if understand that the was to give a gift is with an open heart and without expecting anything in return, then you are ready to select a gift.

A friend with benefits is not just a friend, but a friend that you have a sexual relationship with, so selecting a gift might be easy.  If you have been friends for a long time or if you know of something that this person wants, then your job is simple but if you have no idea what to get, or if you aren't very close friends, then here are my tips...

• Buy something naughty - Theres nothing wrong with buying a "FWB" some lingerie or boxers, its cute, inexpensive and its a great way to remind that friend of how much you appreciate the special benefits that you have arranged.
• Buy something that you can "Share" - If you feel uneasy about buying a gift for this person, but you really want to, a sharable gift is a great compromise.  Think a massage for two, a sexy novelty game, a gift basket of yummy bedroom friendly snacks, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate truffles, something that is a gift for you both to enjoy while you are together.
• Buy a gift for his/her home or office - this is a great neutral gift.  This gift says "I noticed you like movies/books/candles/lamps/throw pillows/pens/figurines of some sort/paperweights etc, so I thought you might like this.  This shows that you pay attention and you just thought the recipient would have interest in the particular gift.
• Steer clear of "relationship" gifts, like keepsakes, couples items (jewelry, ornaments, picture frames)
• Don't spend a lot of money.  A gift for a friend is coming from the heart, not your wallet, therefore shop from the heart as well...

Those are my suggestions, however, when buying any gift, take the recipient and his/her taste, likes, and or dislikes into consideration. 

Happy Holidays!!

Friendship after Sex... is it possible?

Hello Everyone, In this post I would like to address the raising popularity of Causal Sex and how it effects friendships.  Friends with Benefits is a term that I hear more and more frequently and it makes me wonder, what do you do with that friend once the benefits are gone (meaning once you are bored, or someone ends the agreement)?

I happen to believe in any sexual relationship, one of two things end up happening...

1. Someone develops feelings
2. Someone gets bored

So in the instance of "friends" with benefits, when one of those things happens, the situation changes entirely.  I have witnessed people in this sort of agreement fall in love with each other and have it turn into a great stable relationship, and that's a beautiful thing, being friends and then lovers is how some of the best love stories begin, but in the latter scenario where someone loses interest in the other person, does that mean that friendship is forever lost?

I don't think its possible to ever be "just friends" with someone that you were sexually involved with.  I think that once that line has been crossed the friendship has been tainted and every visit, conversation, or experience after that moment will always be biased and different than any other innocent friendship. Even if both parties agree to end the sexual relationship, they will always find themselves thinking about that experience, sizing up the other persons future romantic prospects etc...

What are your thoughts?